Mommy Needs A Minute

Ask any parent what they want for their child, and they will all say the same thing: we all want what’s best. We want our children to be happy, to be emotionally secure in themselves, and to see the infinite and boundless possibilities of their potential. However, in a world that often stigmatizes and underestimates the intellectual capabilities of children who are neurologically different, achieving this goal can be incredibly daunting; especially for new parents who are too often chained to societal expectations, resulting in an unbearable pressure to conform not only ourselves but our children to an archaic system that does not have its place in a neurodiverse world.

When my husband and I decided to homeschool our only son, we were met with an uproar of dissent from our family members. It would be too hard, they said about my son’s struggles to behave and absorb information as other children do. They said it was best to leave his education in the hands of the professionals, that this was an impossible undertaking. They said that homeschooling him would handicap him socially, and – in the greatest insult – said that they believed that I was gambling with my son’s future by choosing to take it upon myself to homeschool him.

Here are the facts: according to the CDC’s Autism and Developmental Disabilities Monitoring Network, about 1 in 36 children has been identified with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). During my experience as a student in the Clark County School District, that would have been one in every classroom. These students were often segregated from their neurotypical counterparts, with a stigma towards the varying behavioral, social, and cognitive differences growing towards the neurodivergent students. I have seen students bullied, beaten, and cruelly mocked for the diverse traits that make them truly unique, which has fueled my desire to take charge of my own child’s education. With so many students from various and diverse backgrounds, does it not make the most sense to tailor their educational experience according to their individual needs? This is what I have discovered since then:

1. He truly appreciates the quality time we spend with each other as a result of homeschooling – and that positively affects his behavior.

While most people think of homeschooling as presenting your child with a curriculum and having them follow it, it is so much more than that. By taking accountability for his education, it is my responsibility to work with him to achieve a common goal – understand the course content and its concepts, while also applying it to real-world scenarios. This is so important, as it has positively impacted his willingness to problem-solve and attempt new things. We try to impress upon him that failure is a huge part of the learning process, and encourage him to try again. This aspect of our day is important, not only for him but also helps encourage me to do the same in my own life.

2. I have a better grasp of the intricacies of his behavior.

Before homeschooling, I could not tell you how many times I ended the day with my face buried in my hands. Parenting in and of itself is not easy, and I will be the first to say that sometimes I do not know what to do. Our son’s neurodivergence is characterized by his fixating on certain sounds and subjects, and occasionally by aggressive and self-injurious behaviors. By taking an active role in his schooling, I am learning so much about the intricacies of his neurodivergence as well: when he is overstimulated, or tired, what triggers his behavior and at what point should I be passive or active.

3. He isn’t great in every subject – and that’s okay.

When I was in school, there was a constant pressure to keep up with the pace of the course syllabus, regardless of how the students learned, and at what pace they absorbed information. This was not an issue in the subjects of reading and writing, at which I was proficient and even passionate. This was an issue in the subjects of mathematics and science, to which I had difficulty applying myself. The result was that I simply excelled in the courses that I was already good at, and felt left behind in the courses I struggled with. My son is the opposite: he struggles a bit with reading, writing, and social studies, but is an absolute force of nature in science and math. However, rather than setting arbitrary goals for him to complete a set curriculum on which there is a time limit, homeschooling offers an alternative approach, where I can teach my son at a pace he is comfortable with, and as a result, he has a complete understanding of all of his subjects as we go through the course content.

The Takeaway: Each child is different, and not every parent has the ability to stay home and homeschool their child. However, if you can take the responsibility to take your child’s education in your hands: teach them your values and impart your wisdom, I think there is no more noble gift. I cannot say with certainty whether or not my son would have prospered more or less in public school. But I can say that he has grown in leaps and bounds cognitively and socially in his time being homeschooled. It is time that we as parents stop looking at our children as clay to be molded, but rather we look at their unique traits and help them grow, treating each student as an individual and forming their education according to their own specific needs. It is my opinion that this is the way to encourage them to find their own way to be happy, emotionally secure, and to explore the boundless and infinite possibilities of their potential.

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